Dating in the modern world comes with its own challenges, especially when navigating personalities that seem to be straight out of reality TV. You may have seen the drama unfold on The Bachelorette—where confidence can quickly turn into arrogance—but how can you tell if the person you’re dating is more than just self-assured and, instead, a full-blown narcissist?
Let’s dive into some key signs that the person you’re with might be exhibiting narcissistic tendencies and the lessons we learned from Jenn’s season of The Bachelorette.
1. They Have Major Main Character Syndrome
In The Bachelorette, it’s common to see contestants try to stand out, but when someone constantly hogs the spotlight in real life, it might be a red flag. Narcissists thrive on attention and admiration. They’ll turn every conversation back to themselves, making you feel like a supporting actor in their personal movie.
Remember Sam M. on Jenn’s season? Every time Jenn asked about their connection, he would spin it into a monologue about himself. If your partner makes you feel like a side character in your relationship, it’s worth reevaluating.
2. They Love Bomb You—Then Pull Away
Love bombing is a term that’s been trending thanks to reality shows like Love is Blind. It refers to when someone showers you with affection, gifts, and compliments at the start, only to pull away once they feel they’ve secured your attention. Narcissists often use this tactic to hook you, then begin to withdraw, leaving you confused and questioning your self-worth. Often, your friends or family will spot this type of guy and won’t approve of him; take this as a sign of his true character.
This was the emotional rollercoaster we saw in Jenn’s relationship with Devin. At first, he was all about grand gestures, but once he “won,” the romance quickly fizzled out. If your partner starts strong and then leaves you questioning where all that affection went, you might be dealing with a narcissist.
3. They Lack Empathy—Unless It’s for Their Benefit
Remember the tearful confessions on The Bachelorette, when some contestants seem more focused on how their heartbreak looks on TV rather than how their partner feels? A narcissist often lacks genuine empathy. They may appear to care when it benefits them—whether it’s to make a good impression on others or gain something in return. However, when it comes to your emotions, they’re usually unavailable or dismissive. If this lack of empathy leads to you being hurt in any, you may be in an abusive relationship.
In Jenn’s season, certain guys would use their vulnerability to gain favor, only to show their true, uncaring selves later. If your partner seems more interested in how things make them look than how you feel, that’s a red flag.
4. They’re Extremely Charming… at First
You might be swept off your feet by their charm, much like how contestants like Sam M. on The Bachelorette seem to have all the right words at the right time. But over time, that charm can start to feel manipulative. Narcissists often use charm as a tool to win people over, but once they’ve captured your heart, their true colors begin to show. This switch can leave you feeling confused and unsure of what went wrong. If your partner suddenly changes from Prince Charming to someone you’d never consider dating, believe they’re revealing their true self.
5. They Gaslight You
Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic where someone makes you doubt your own reality. In a relationship with a narcissist, they might deny things they’ve said or done, making you question your own memory and perception. Take Jenn’s relationship with Devin from The Bachelorette. In a shocking twist, she revealed, “As soon as we left Hawaii, things were different.”
Devin started to go back on his promises, twisting reality to the point where Jenn doubted what had been real and what hadn’t. The relationship eventually ended over a brief, heartbreaking 15-minute phone call, a stark reminder of how quickly narcissists can switch from adoring to dismissive. If your partner leaves you confused like Jenn, it’s time to take a step back, recognize the gaslighting for what it is, and take a step back.
What To Do If You’re Dating a Narcissist
If Jenn’s season taught us anything, it’s that relationships with narcissists often come with highs and lows. If you recognize these signs in your relationship, take a step back and ask yourself if you’re getting the love and support you deserve. Remember, you’re not on a reality show—you deserve a partner who genuinely values and uplifts you.
If your relationship feels more like The Bachelorette drama than a real connection, it might be time to hand out your final rose and walk away.
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