I placed my daughter for adoption through the cradle in 1999. I was a 15 year old girl who didn’t have much guidance and trusted the cradle throughout the process. I recall my counselor being very attentive with regular visits and talks. The weekend I gave birth she was off and I had her on call replacement instead. I don’t ever recall seeing her again as she switched to being the adoptive parents counselor instead of birth parents. I went to one counseling session where one emotional birth mother ruled the meeting with her woes…I was never able to openly express my hurt. I felt disregarded and discarded after the placement. Like they got what they ultimately wanted and I wasn’t needed anymore. It has caused a lifetime of bad memories from the trauma. 22 years later my birth daughter lives with me now…after 20 years of living with her adoptive parents. It’s crazy how life has played out. I wanted to share my experience as a birth parent and say I didn’t feel supported during such an emotional process and it was a true let down.

Writing this … takes me all the way back … to my beginning. I am a Cradle Baby. I attended the second annual Cradle Alumni Reunion. The sense of belonging was very powerful and, so much unbroken, free-flowing, effortless sharing was done in an environment of complete inclusion and trust. A common thread among the stories was a robust and genuine sense of gratitude. Especially, in the context of Birthmothers knowing that their babies grew up to a good life in a loving environment. Another very palpable element was hope. Not all alumni had a positive experience when reconnecting to their Birthparents and families. Yet, they still approached a labyrinthine scenario with such forward looking energy and courage. Twenty years ago, my family and I attended The Cradle Open House. Later that year, through The Cradle, I was contacted by my Birthmother. We exchanged letters over an eighteen-month period. I attended The Cradle Gala that Winter (1999). I shared my story with a ten-top table full of, until then, complete strangers. One question to me was, “What would be the first thing that you would say to your Birthmother if the two of you ever met?” My reply, “Thank you.” It was not until attending the Alumni Reunion, twenty years later, that I really thought about … well, “the larger embrace” and “the added dimension of connection” and, how these concepts have tied into what I’ve done over my career as well as with my time “away from the office”. It is very much about being part of something bigger than yourself and, I look very much forward to contributing to such a wonderful institution as part of the Cradle Associates Board.

I am compelled to write this review as I learn that more families continue to feel the same kind of pain, concern and confusion about their own experience with The Cradle. I would encourage anyone considering entrusting The Cradle in their adoption journey to do your research and compare with other agencies, locally and nationally. There is public documentation from the state of IL citing The Cradle and counselors for privacy violations and other infractions. There is litigation documented that seems to get settled out of court. What may not be documented publicly is how families are mistreated, children are referred to as ‘inventory’ and the power dynamic of those families waiting is taken advantage of by counselors and leadership. Our experience illustrated a lack of advocacy for us as perspective parents and most importantly for children awaiting placement. As you are doing your research, ask questions, find out placement numbers vs completed home studies, talk to other families and advocate for yourself. Don’t let the nice location, grand piano, SEO and storied history of The Cradle be determining factors for you. Those who have successful placements via any agency will sing it’s praises, those who do not should be considered as well as you entrust an agency in your journey to becoming a family. Would never wish The Cradle on any family, child or birth mother going thru the adoption process.